You love me once, you love me forever.

I need attention from everyone who has ever given me the time of day. That attention i need everyday the exact same for the rest of my life. It’s not allowed to change. It’s not. I must always be the best at what I can be the best at, being beautiful

So I got denied/rejected from jmu. I knew it was going to happen but I just had so much hope. The graph said I wouldn’t get in, my grades said so, my demographics said so. Senioritis definitely put the icing on the cake for not going. And waiting to write that letter didnt help my cause too much either.

Normally when I find out I go storm angrily into my car drive around where there’s no cops so I can go fast and eat food that’s bad for me. But mic was at home with me when I had found out, my mom actually texted me saying I received a letter from the, but it was thin…so I knew it. As I walked up to my door I looked at him and said get ready for the water works, are you ready to be a shoulder to cry on? He seemed confused and kind of afraid.

Once I opened it and the actual rejection sunk in it just all came out. I was bawling I was mad,sad,hormonal, whatever. I went to burn the paper and didn’t even watch it burn. Mic just took me and told me to go upstairs and took me to my room.

I had a tissue in my hand and as I collapsed on my bed he took it and started wiping my eyes. He made sit up and just held me in his arms and kept asking me (that dreaded question all sad people hate to be asked when you obviously know what’s wrong), what’s wrong? Which just made me cry even more and he just held the back of my head and with one hand and my body with the other arm as my mascara stained his shirt. Then he took my face in his hand and started wiping the tears from my eyes. He then proceeded to tell me that it’s not my fault and it’s all politics and that they were dumb because they couldn’t see how such an amazing person I am. He looked like he was about to cry himself just by seeing me cry. It was really like one of those scenes in a movie. I was being stubborn and saying how stupid I was and he would get mad at me for demeaning myself. He then proceeded to point out that they can’t see my personality, ” they can’t see the Kelly I know, the one I love. You are the most sociable, companionate, smart, lovable girl I have ever met. You know me more than myself, those are reasons why I love you” then he probably listed off a billion other desirable personality traits that made me want to kiss him. As he kissed me on the forehead trying to calm me down, I asked him if I was an ugly cryer and he denied it and said I was beautiful but with meaning now because he’s my boyfriend. And then I asked if my makeup was messed up and he just laughed and said a little. The he just kept on holding me and looking into my eyes and telling me about how his retarded ex got into vcu and so did I shows how fucked up the system is and that because of my wit, social skills, and drive I will go so far in life, unlike her regardless of us going to the same university.

If that happens when ever I cry, this being the first time he’s seen me. I should do it more often.